maja m.: December 2010

I watch, I see, I do and I hear you... I hear what you're saying, I see what you're watching at, I do and I have to run... away...because I'm loosing the strength, my body's giving up on me, my eyes wont stay up there, they are creeping down toward the softest part of you... literally and in fact...I know the softness of those lips, I know it...and I know me...and I know it's almost impossible to me to let those lips go...If you'd help, if you only could help, you should do it, you would have to do it, you need to do it..., keep away with those lips, away from me, from my loneliness, from my pathetic existence...called life...

There was no loneliness, no awareness of the incoherence of myself...before your day...I didn't know, notice, see, or wont to see...I didn't, you went away before, you disappeared, forever...that had a time limit...Forever had an end, and I accepted that there was this end, that became a beginning...

I wont to know why, if is it me, is it you, is it beauty, attractiveness, sexual need, just adventure to have...What?

What is it that drives your eyes into mine, your hand round my waist, your lips close to mine...too close to me...?

I cannot erase the feeling of those lips onto mine, I cannot do anything less or more...then run away...I feel I have to take my distance, embrace my pathetic loneliness..., just to be safe...because you don't talk, you don't say, you are not alone...and maybe you're less pathetic and lonely then me...

I can wear skirts, deep low-neck dresses, lipstick, nail polish and high heels..., for you to notice,... I can wear boots, military pants and gross t-shirts and you'd still knew what's under it...

No way other then words, and me to believe it... No way other then honesty, the truth, and me to be the ONLY one...

Only me

or the little pathetic life...

better be alone, then waiting for anyone to make me company when the situation allows, or the second one...

Please, oh God...If there's anything I wish, it's peace and because happiness is a luxury of those who cannot judge for themselves... and a curse to those, who can..., I wish you to freeze my wishes...

I'm cursed with your lips, my love, I am, and I know it...

I don't know, I used every possible approach..., I lowered my eyes, I rise my head, I smiled, I turn my head away...nothing worked...so...so

I'll follow the moment...

It will come to me, some day, the moment...

you wont...