Friday, January 22, 2010


and then, in the moment I realize that I'm not a my-own-head breaker, but a proud ˛...
I do...
that I might regret



...wonting it so much!!
the sin
the punishment
dire consequences
I wont it all...


but there're obstacles  obviously, like in most life facts, needed to reach levels  of self knowledge or everything else
there's an obstacle...
I won't go over challenges
won't crush my head on bricks of some wall
to cleaver for this
to much self caring
even if those brick are made of feathers
just too much proud
to much stuck up on what I am on the inside
no need of Grace Kelly's beauty or Naomi's body or Alice Walton's money...
that's why I'm still writing about this ...


I'm getting attention

this is OPTIMISM

Thursday, January 21, 2010


And then suddenly, on a bright morning, on a sunny day
there comes a warning...
don't forget who you are...

I won't

Wednesday, January 20, 2010



still wont go away, more, it goes stronger day by day,...
weird thoughts
sometimes very clear
sometimes it seems like my face was printed with these weird thoughts...
and everybody turning eyes on me, reading it...
inspecting it
I need to turn my mind off for a moment
a day
a month
I'd like to run away
high up on hills, isolated
just snow, a fireplace
a mac
no obligation but breathing
or down low on the coast, sandy beaches
summer breeze
mac and internet
a cocktail
my Nikon

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

miuky: glasses

miuky: glasses



Written on January 10th in the middle of the  busy night

But it won't listen
it doesn't listen
it refuses to hear
what I've got to say

It's against me
against me
against my faith
against whole of me

And I'm saying nothing
I'm quiet 
like the moment before the thunder that strikes down a thousand year old oak
It's dividing me 

on a quiet one
on a defeated one
on a pierced one
on pieces

and I'm alive...

Long lasting dream that cannot come true...simply because the world's round and there's no end and everything goes on, everything continues going on, forward...

I may cut my hair, stick plastic nails, colour those in red, green or yellow, put  as many make-up on my face, as I can, wear leather or nylon or silk or velvet...or wont go backward...
No one's going to turn back his head, nether away
it's just that I'm not in front, not before him, not ahead of him, not on his side, 
I'm always somewhere behind...

I'm just there somewhere...short nails, no colour on those, my standard hairdo, my standard top and bottoms, and underwear and rubber clogs, keeping my mind on him, as much as time allows

I am

just am

no need to get the head turned back
no need to get attention

I have my long lasting dreams coming...
my sweet dreams...
and a lightning rod...

I might love....

my music....

"Northern Lad"

Had a northern lad
Well not exactly had
He moved like the sunset
God who painted that
First he love my accent
How his knees could bend
I thought we'd be ok
Me and my molasses
But I feel someting is wrong
But I fell this cake just isn't done
Don't say that you Don't
And if you could see me now
Said if you could see me now
Girls you've got to know
When it's time to turn the page
When you're only wet
Because of the rain
He don't show much these days
It's gets so fucking cold
I loved his secret places
But I can't go anymore
"you change like sugar cane"
Says me northern lad
I guess you go too far
When pianos try to be guitars
I feel the west in you
And I feel it falling apart too
Don't say that you Don't
And if you could see me now
Said if you could see me now
Girls you've got to know
When it's time to turn the page
When you're only wet
Because of the rain
When you're only wet
Because of the rain

Tori Amos

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


jebeš ti denar, če ga ni...

kuhinja je, denarja ni,. itak denar sploh en rabi meni, ampak prodajalnam...


Feeling extremely bad...
The weather's sad and wet and cold and not appropriate for us, living on the coast, used to have the sun and light jackets...
I have this usual problem, everyone has, sometimes, some people because too much, mostly not enough...and I'm the perfect example of 'normal' person...
Kisses all over yesterday, mostly just because supposed to, expected, duty kisses..., a few sincere and full of pristine wishes, just a few...and just one or two kisses and no words, even if I wished to tell, to say a lot...wished to include me in wishing... complicate to explain  and not say all of the story...
I'm a master of 'not explain' directly, let people think, mostly get it wrong, or don't get it at all...
I wished to drop my head on a window, for as long as it was needed to cold out a little, with frozen mind, watching outside, watching the snow come down, on our coastline, yes, the snow..., but all I've got was 30 seconds of wings and a friend that followed this child that came out of me, and catch the snow drops with the thong...
an elderly man stood there, with a smile on his face, so, for 30 seconds I've made life look better to not just one child, but me and this two person along with me...
all this happened yesterday, so the fairytale lasted for 30 seconds, a whole day far to feel that snow still freezing my thong ... to far to remember what went on my mind on that occasion, when a kiss was not a duty...
but my mind is overflowed with it, and with thoughts, and as I feel this bad, thoughts cannot be bright...or positive in any way...

wishes, yes, forehead on it...with short sleeves, in a very worm ambient, but as cold as the deepest hole in the north pole could be...a little and short oasis, that last as a duty kiss could last,  and then the child running out...
I could scream, but the blue uniform shut my mouth...
I could just watch, but my eyes were showing the battling, kicking child above a woman's body...I needed arms to worm me up, not stoves or fabrics or things that don't carry life in it...
I'm so sad..., not just because there was a duty kiss and no words said, but because there's no way that he and I could share my thoughts..., alone, on a island called relationship..., any kind of relationship...
It's not that I figure it out yesterday, there's the fact that I know this all along, and the lack of wishes, true wishes, wishes that could eventually have some chance to get fulfilled and the lack of what most 'normal' people need, money, here, exactly that, I sad it..., make all what's round me look worst...

I'm going to keep on always, just because it's the way to be...