no one's dead...
it's just that lack of ...everything(today)...
it can be so confusing, perplexing, irritating, unsettling, nauseas, without rhyme or reason, mean, this life..., that can drive me mad..., make's me flee, say what I shouldn't, mustn't, it's forbidden...
I called mum, MUM, my MOTHER..., just to hear that somebody cares about me, somebody loves me, somebody is there to listen, to help with that, just to be there when needed, and she was there, she listened, I really love her for that today, today I can say after ages, that I love her...
It makes me cry, must be chemistry bouncing round my cells today, must be some chemical reason, because I do not get mad, do not get confused for some stupid reason...It's just, why the fuck people do not listen, I always do, I may look like I don't but I always listen, I read, I see, I...I...I observe...
OK, what's important to me, is not necessarily important to other..., but then why call for help..., don't call for help, if you're not ready to do your part, to stand there and at least pretend that you'd like to have it done, resolved, or what-the-fuck-ever!!
I beat the best out of my closet, when I have to have that done right...I insist, I dig, I bite, I root up like a wild pig, I call for help, I say 'please', I say 'thank you', I say all that and much more, very honestly... but I need room for all this...
I need room, space, air to breath meanwhile...I need stillness, no one and nothing to rush me, to instigate, I need TIME and cleaver people to help
I hate to have to ask many times, I hate people that doesn't have time to explain, or will, and stop doing that in the middle, or doing it in some hardly readable language that even they don't quite understand.
Please, I need brains that can do stuff, and that do stuff from the top to the bottom, or say that they have no time, or else...
I cannot do everything by myself, I cannot do stuff that I never done before all alone, I need help, and mum loved me today...
I am alive and kicking, but very much perplexed today...
Rarely's happening, but I need some constancy... a 'normal' line, one way, the everyday line, one road, one horse, one man, just me...to lay down and breath, thoughtless, not to exist for no one today...
I really don't know what I wont today...
I really lost frequency today...
I lost...
I hate to loose...
a bad day...
Don't let me fall and brake my nose,
don't let me run and roll my toes,
don't let me fly without your wings,
don't let me slump and crash my stings,
don't let me pray and loose my faith
and shut my eyes down to see a wraith
don't let me scream to fill the room
it's dark in here... it's like my tomb
my agony is all I am
my fantasy is like a dam
my memory is only round
constant, spinning, perfect, bound...
leading nowhere or back to start
again and again braking my heart
just try to steer, and make my day
and in the end just take my hair
play with it and whisper dreams
bring the sun, the light and beams
brake the circle, brake the bound
heal my heart, build a mound
then wake me up, light my flame
become my God but with a name...
